Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Monday, October 9, 2017
Who Am I?
If we are me,
then who am I?
Am I part of we?
Am I alone,
a separate case?
Quarantined?
If we are me,
then am I me
or am I we?
Learning About My System
So I found out a lot about my system last Friday. I even made a full list of all of my alters so I could keep track of it. Pretty cool, right? Haha.
I'm in a pretty good mood right now. 👸
I'm in a pretty good mood right now. 👸
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.
Putting it simply, today's one of those days where I hate everyone, everything, and want to be anywhere but in school, typing a stupid, pointless blog post for no reason whatsoever. The end, next question. ⚓
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Day's Horror Conundrum
You know I was never a big fan of horror before I was about to go to the group home?
Now I'd watch horror movies every day if I could - I love the thrill of anticipation when you're awaiting a big scare. But before, I had major anxiety about being jumpscared. I hated that concept! I mean, who wants to be jumpscared (besides all you horror junkies out there, don't think I don't see you)? I certainly didn't, so I decided this: Every time a YouTuber I watched played a horror game, I would blatantly ignore it. Always. No exceptions.
That got boring pret-ty quick.
The first horror playthrough I ever watched all the way through was the Hello Neighbor playlist, on the Kubz Scouts YouTube channel. It was me and my best friend Kamya on rabb.it nine times out of ten, and it was so much fun! I loved being scared, I loved the way the Neighbor came out from corners without any warning, it was all almost too much pleasant terror for my little heart!
I was lucky enough to get into Hello Neighbor early - the Pre-Alpha and Alpha 1 builds of the game were available for free officially, and I 100% planned on getting it! I wanted to play it for myself. I wanted to experience the thrill of horror games firsthand.
Yeah, no. That didn't exactly go well. I remember having this horrible anxiety while I was trying to play the game of being actually jumpscared in real life, as in having the neighbor stand behind me in my house and scare the bejeezus out of me. I was not a fan. So the early builds remained untouched for a long, long time. I wasn't (and still am not) a fan of actually playing the games. I liked watching from the sidelines.
So that's what I did. I watched jacksepticeye play Outlast 2, Markiplier, the self-proclaimed King of Five Nights at Freddy's, play his signature game. And that's when I finally decided to face my fears and play a game - when I watched him play Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location.
I'm weak for games with a great story, even if it's a horror game. Besides, Sister Location wasn't scary if you knew the strategies, if you could play the game. And I could do that! I was good at games (sort of)! What could go wrong?
Well, I could get stuck on Night 4 because of the stupid Minireenas, but that was a whole different issue. I didn't chicken out.
I was terrified in the first night, even though to my relief, besides a few bangs in the vents that scared the life out of me, there were no jumpscares. The second night, I confidently kept out the Bidybabs even though my hands were shaking. On the third night, I did not have a fun time with Funtime Freddy. I really believed that all I had to do was survive Ballora (or was that the second night...?), but nooooo, Funtime Freddy just had to be a little - !
*ahem* Anyway, I really, really struggled with Funtime Foxy too. I couldn't really understand how to prevent a jumpscare. Not that I understand any better now, but at least I could make it through. Unlike with the Minireenas, which to this day, I have not made it past.
After I went to the group home, I watched my first horror movie, one I'd wanted to see for a long time: Lights Out. I really enjoyed it, up until the ending, which had me saying "Really? REALLY?" to everyone I told about the film. I remember being huddled up on the couch in the game room beside a friend of mine, all huddled up under a therapeutic blanket awaiting the jumpscares. I'd checked the movie out of the library because I wanted to face my stupid fears for once, and lo and behold, it wasn't even that hard. Maybe it was because we couldn't watch R-rated movies at the house, but I took what I could get.
Since then, I've been watching horror movies as often as I can check them out of the library. So far, I've watched all three Insidious movies, The Ring, Rings (a surprisingly good sequel, by the way), Aliens (which I technically wasn't even supposed to have, but...), and Mama. I plan to watch the first two Halloween movies with my mom, a professional horror junkie. True, I'm not at her level of horror adoration, but I'm getting there. Horror movies are absolutely terrifying - and that's what makes them so fun and appealing to watch!
Now I'd watch horror movies every day if I could - I love the thrill of anticipation when you're awaiting a big scare. But before, I had major anxiety about being jumpscared. I hated that concept! I mean, who wants to be jumpscared (besides all you horror junkies out there, don't think I don't see you)? I certainly didn't, so I decided this: Every time a YouTuber I watched played a horror game, I would blatantly ignore it. Always. No exceptions.
That got boring pret-ty quick.The first horror playthrough I ever watched all the way through was the Hello Neighbor playlist, on the Kubz Scouts YouTube channel. It was me and my best friend Kamya on rabb.it nine times out of ten, and it was so much fun! I loved being scared, I loved the way the Neighbor came out from corners without any warning, it was all almost too much pleasant terror for my little heart!
I was lucky enough to get into Hello Neighbor early - the Pre-Alpha and Alpha 1 builds of the game were available for free officially, and I 100% planned on getting it! I wanted to play it for myself. I wanted to experience the thrill of horror games firsthand.
Yeah, no. That didn't exactly go well. I remember having this horrible anxiety while I was trying to play the game of being actually jumpscared in real life, as in having the neighbor stand behind me in my house and scare the bejeezus out of me. I was not a fan. So the early builds remained untouched for a long, long time. I wasn't (and still am not) a fan of actually playing the games. I liked watching from the sidelines.
So that's what I did. I watched jacksepticeye play Outlast 2, Markiplier, the self-proclaimed King of Five Nights at Freddy's, play his signature game. And that's when I finally decided to face my fears and play a game - when I watched him play Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location.
I'm weak for games with a great story, even if it's a horror game. Besides, Sister Location wasn't scary if you knew the strategies, if you could play the game. And I could do that! I was good at games (sort of)! What could go wrong?
Well, I could get stuck on Night 4 because of the stupid Minireenas, but that was a whole different issue. I didn't chicken out.I was terrified in the first night, even though to my relief, besides a few bangs in the vents that scared the life out of me, there were no jumpscares. The second night, I confidently kept out the Bidybabs even though my hands were shaking. On the third night, I did not have a fun time with Funtime Freddy. I really believed that all I had to do was survive Ballora (or was that the second night...?), but nooooo, Funtime Freddy just had to be a little - !
*ahem* Anyway, I really, really struggled with Funtime Foxy too. I couldn't really understand how to prevent a jumpscare. Not that I understand any better now, but at least I could make it through. Unlike with the Minireenas, which to this day, I have not made it past.
After I went to the group home, I watched my first horror movie, one I'd wanted to see for a long time: Lights Out. I really enjoyed it, up until the ending, which had me saying "Really? REALLY?" to everyone I told about the film. I remember being huddled up on the couch in the game room beside a friend of mine, all huddled up under a therapeutic blanket awaiting the jumpscares. I'd checked the movie out of the library because I wanted to face my stupid fears for once, and lo and behold, it wasn't even that hard. Maybe it was because we couldn't watch R-rated movies at the house, but I took what I could get.Since then, I've been watching horror movies as often as I can check them out of the library. So far, I've watched all three Insidious movies, The Ring, Rings (a surprisingly good sequel, by the way), Aliens (which I technically wasn't even supposed to have, but...), and Mama. I plan to watch the first two Halloween movies with my mom, a professional horror junkie. True, I'm not at her level of horror adoration, but I'm getting there. Horror movies are absolutely terrifying - and that's what makes them so fun and appealing to watch!
Morning Meds
I almost asked Emma,
so genuinely,
from my empty soul,
if I could have
ten extra doses of Zoloft,
because Prazosin wasn't my white knight,
fending off my nightmares,
and there was no pill
to erase the memories
that refused to leave me alone.
so genuinely,
from my empty soul,
if I could have
ten extra doses of Zoloft,
because Prazosin wasn't my white knight,
fending off my nightmares,
and there was no pill
to erase the memories
that refused to leave me alone.
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Welcome!
Hi.
I'm not sure what to say here that'll make this sound interesting in any way, but I guess I should start with the basics.
 |
| Actual picture of me (nah, I'm just kidding) |
My name is Day Videnda. Of course it's an alias, silly goose. That's too pretty of a name for someone like me. I'm 17 years old as of July 9th, and I was born in Brooklyn and live in New Jersey. I'm working on a full-length novel at the moment, which will be a part of a series that I'm steadily working on. I live in a community home at the moment. Why? Eh, you'll figure it out along the way. It'll all come together eventually.
I figured I might as well start a blog and...you know...actually keep up with using it for once, so here we go. Boom. Blog. And it's gonna be interesting and colorful and it's gonna have pictures and links and videos and other things that other blogs have that mine usually don't because I'm lazy. I dare say I might actually have a successful blog this time around. Unlikely, but I'd like to think it's possible. A person can dream, right? Even if it's something as simple as this and it's never happened. Ever. (This is me trying to pretend I'm feeling optimistic about this. Is it going well?)
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this blog, This soon-to-be forgotten blog that I probably won't care about in a couple of days. Yikes.
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